


i'm a little unsteady (hold on to me)

by brushesofsage



Series: more than an equation [1]
Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Varian and the Seven Kingdoms
Genre: Background Character Death, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, PROTECTIVE BIG BRO HUGO, Sorry Not Sorry, Take it as you will, actually kinda explicit mention of past child abuse, background executions, cliffhanger ending, constant mentions of blood, donella is honestly creepy, dorian is a mixture of dorian gray and herb from minions, family au, honestly these boys have high key issues, issues with self worth, it's all angsty just a dash of comfort, let me know what else i need to tag for y'all, minor description of human experimentation, no beta we die like men, oh yeah, slight gaslighting, so all hurt little comfort, there was another but rip i forgot, there's an argument that might be triggering, this takes place near the end of the au so what they reference will not make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24171007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brushesofsage/pseuds/brushesofsage
Summary: It was for his own good, the traitorous voice in his head murmured. It hurts, it hurts, but it has to be done. For his own good.-After fleeing Bayangor with their mother's ire following them, and after having survived countless of adventures out in the 'real world', Hugo and Varian return to where it all started as Donella threatens to wage war upon the rest of the kingdoms. With the Princess' army readying for what would be the final fight of their lives and tainted memories spiraling towards the surface of his mind, Hugo makes a choice.
Series: more than an equation [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753315
Comments: 21
Kudos: 37





	i'm a little unsteady (hold on to me)

**Author's Note:**

> Omigosh I have fallen into this AU thanks to @letthemsayfuck on tumblr who created it and littlemisslol, whose story, 'Like A Rowboat on an Angry Sea', inspired some parental angst for Varian (along with the Seven Kingdoms AU created by kritterart and banannerbread). And also thank you to jade-kyo for providing some of the songs for the ever growing playlist and also to the group chat as well :)
> 
> The premise for Family AU is that both Varian and Hugo are children of Donella and Dorian, a four year difference between the two of them, and were raised in Bayangor's capital Bearnhelm. On the eve of Hugo's nineteenth birthday, he makes the decision to take his brother and leave their home and they do so, experiencing the world outside of their city's walls. However, it's not without consequences as Donella, with aspirations for greater power, is after the throne and begins to finish her work on a mind control serum and automatons to take to the other kingdoms as well. And the question comes down: fight or flee? This particular oneshot deals with an answer to that question.
> 
> or rather:
> 
> Donella wants control, Daddy wants the prestige, the king is overthrown, armies are rising against the Seven Kingdoms, and two children are caught in the crosshairs.

For once, Hugo was glad for his height as he held the contraption out of Varian’s reach. Not that he didn’t try to go for it either way, but the extra inches proved to be a struggle for someone a whole head shorter than him. 

“Give it back!”

Hugo winced as his younger brother’s cry drew attention from the camp. He further tensed as the princess herself appeared, eyes widened as she took in the scene along with several of her soldiers who ran into the vicinity, weapons drawn.  _ That  _ was going to be a problem. She definitely still held some resentment from his attempt to lift her bracelet before they’d ‘officially’ met - he’d received a nasty bruise for that - and this sudden outburst so close to the army’s departure was not going to improve her skepticism. Especially while they were so far behind enemy lines. Well, it wouldn’t matter anyway, if he got his way. One word and he’d be ready to leave - pack up and take off to the next kingdom… and the next and the next. They’d never stop running, Varian would say with that all-knowing frown of his. Keep on running until their luck runs out and they’re caught and dragged back kicking and screaming. Back to Bayangor. Back to  _ her _ .  _ There’d never be an end unless we stopped it ourselves _ . Hugo wanted to laugh, a sharp and deprecating sound to his ears.

_ It’d only end with blood on their hands and their lives taken away again. _

His eyes snapped back as they caught movement, and he managed to dodge a poorly aimed fist before gloved hands clawed at his raised arm. 

“Hugo,  _ please _ !” Varian’s voice now sounded pained, and a pang of guilt sunk in Hugo’s stomach at the clear sight of conflict on the fourteen year old’s face - the instinctual need to curl up and hide in shame for raising his voice and the desperate and absolute  _ need  _ to retrieve what was stolen from him. 

_ It was for his own good _ , the traitorous voice in his head murmured.  _ It hurts, it hurts, but it has to be done. For his own good _ . 

Even if it was, his stomach still churned in discomfort at the thought. Everything he’d ever done - every lie he’d told  _ no matter how risky _ , every job he’d accepted  _ no matter how low _ , every beating he’d taken  _ no matter how painful _ \- it had all been to keep his brother from having to go through those himself. To spare him the full brunt of their parents’ choice to make their lives a living hell. To give him some semblance of a rose-colored reality he never got a chance to have. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore - as long as he could keep him safe for however long he could. But having to hear about Varian’s little attempt to stow away with the princess’ main forces from the Kotoan -  _ Yong _ , his name was Yong - only steeled his resolve. His brother wanted to fight against the full might of Bayangor out of some sense of moral obligation to a few kids they’d barely met?

_ Over my dead body. _

An elbow caught his jaw and he grunted, taking several steps back to steady himself. He tossed the invention to his other hand and caught the next punch before it could knock him off balance. For all of Hugo’s instincts to  _ shield, protect, stopyou’rehurting-  _ he  _ had  _ to stop his brother from going off and getting himself killed. Whatever it took. 

_ Even if he burns for this. _

A harsh chuckle incidentally bubbled out of him and suddenly the mask he’d built over the years snapped down on his face. “What is  _ this  _ supposed to do anyways, huh?” He twirled the device in his fingers as the corner of his mouth turned up. “Throw confetti onto the battlefield? Pop open the ale so that we can all sit down and have a drink? Play a lullaby to put the  _ countless  _ numbers of  _ automatons  _ to sleep?” He couldn’t hold back the roll of his eyes. “What a plan you’ve got there Varian, it’s simply  _ brilliant _ . We’ll beat them with the power of  _ kindness _ .” Hugo tried not to let frustration seep into his words but he felt the hair-pulling anger and a familiar rising panic that accompanied it filter through as his voice rose with each word. He  _ knew  _ the small design in his hand wasn’t anything to be taken lightly, it was Varian’s own work after all, but it didn’t mean that it was ready to be used in battle. It didn’t mean that  _ Varian  _ was ready to wade through the middle of a war. Alchemy and science experiments were one thing but facing off masses of soldiers that were, without a doubt, backed by feats of engineering unseen throughout the Seven Kingdoms was a  _ completely  _ different field. Hugo had let some misadventures slide by - and if he had to be honest, the feeling of sheer relief after bursting out of Nesdernian waters to escape the sirens had been…  _ exciting  _ to say the least - and Varian had come up with solutions that had seemed so out there but had  _ worked _ . But none of them had the experience to even begin to hold up against an army. So for all the good his intentions offered, they just would not be  _ enough _ . 

With each taunting question, Varian’s strikes became sloppier, cries of anger and distress cutting through with each hit.

“Give it back Hugo! You… you  _ jerk _ !” Hugo hissed as nails dug into his upper arm. The contraption slipped out of his grasp but he only noticed the empty weight for a second before hands tore at his jacket and sleeves. Varian had deserted his gloves as he jumped him, the sudden and furious intensity forced him to sidestep in a vicious dance, avoiding every blow as he gritted his teeth. 

Varian rarely fought him. Sure, they had their arguments that usually ended with both of them brimming with guilt, but those had seldom escalated like this. Even when Varian let his emotions get in the way of all rational thought, yelling was all that it led to. There was an unwritten rule between them that no one struck out at the other, that no matter how heated things got, they would never be like  _ them _ . Which made the realization that Varian was  _ not slowing down _ , that he was  _ not hesitating _ , and that he was  _ screaming  _ and  _ tearing  _ and  _ falling apart _ , all the more heartbreaking. 

And, like a cold hand plunging into his insides and  _ twisting _ , he realized: it was  _ all his fault _ . Inventing had been Varian’s one great solace ever since Hugo had first let him try, and it had been his source of identity since being on the run. It was hard to ignore how often he’d reach into his bag to fiddle with the first thing that came out - to hold, to create, to have on hand because of the feeling of safety that it brought... And now Hugo was denying it to him.

He really  _ was  _ a jerk. 

He managed to grab Varian’s wrist as he swung at him -  _ his thin, thin wrist _ \- ignoring the startled yelp as he twisted it as gently as he could to slow him down before flipping him around so that his back slammed into his chest. Hugo snaked an arm around his upper body tightly, trapping his brother in place. It was hard to tune out the cries, the fingers digging into his arm, the sense of wetness falling on his skin... 

_ Burning ropes against his wrists, chafing metal in his shoulder, smothering and sickening over his mouth and nose, couldn’t move couldn’t breathe couldn’t feel _ -

A cracking against his chin brought him out of the memory and he stumbled back with a shout of pain, but he kept his hold strong, even as Varian squirmed in his grasp frantically. “Varian, just-  _ gah _ , just  _ stop  _ for a second and  _ listen _ to me-” A grating  _ crunch  _ reached their ears, as loud as a beacon, and they both froze, hearts thumping wildly against their ribs. Hugo didn’t have to look down to know exactly what had happened. 

Oh saints,  _ no _ .

Blood pounded in his ears and a chill spread from his chest to his limbs as Varian went completely limp in his arms. On instinct, he let go, his own hands involuntarily shaking.  _ Too still, too still… _

Varian wriggled out of his grasp, suddenly whirling around and Hugo flinched at the sight of tears streaming freely down his face. His cheeks were flushed and his teeth were clenched, but his eyes… his eyes were glistening with rage.

“What is your  **_problem_ ** ?!” 

Hugo was rooted to the ground, slack with shock as he swallowed wordlessly. He tried not to glance down at the shattered pieces of metal and gears and glass...  _ What  _ had  _ he done? _ It was all he could do to force himself to take a step forward -  _ no, no, back away _ \- and reach a trembling hand out, “Var, I’m…”

“No, shut up!  _ Shut up _ !” Varian pressed his palms against his ears as he drew his eyes shut and shouted, “shut  _ up _ , you’ve done enough!” He curled in over himself, head ducked between his elbows, breathing heavily from the outburst. Hugo felt his mouth go dry, wisely staying silent as he retreated a few steps. Why did he feel like his legs were about to give out from under him? Why couldn’t he move to, to comfort, to help, to  _ do _ something, why couldn’t he  _ do something…? _

_ You’ve done enough. _

He was barely aware of the guards surrounding them, their stances wary as the hush spread that even the birds had tapered off their chirping. Right now, however, it was only him and Varian, standing underneath the fading light - just the two of them again. And he’d never felt so far apart. 

_ His voice was strangled in his throat. _

Varian lowered his arms and for a small, horrifying moment, fear crossed his face, stark and pale, and Hugo was ten years old again, watching his little brother learn for the first time that love was conditional and the world revolved around  _ eat or be eaten, _ long shadows cast over them. But it soon disappeared as he glanced up, brow furrowed in hurt, confusion, defeat... 

“Why do you hate me?”

That shook him out of his stupor with a muted gasp as the soft question sunk into his mind, stinging him in a way he hadn’t felt for so long. The sheer  _ wrongness  _ of the thought rattled him -  _ Hugo could never hate him, never hate his brother; their mother hated him, Father loved him, no that  _ wasn’t  _ love... _ \- and the gnawing in his chest grew as the question echoed - how  _ could _ he have made Varian ask that,  _ feel  _ that way? 

“Varian, I  _ don’t… _ ” he tried, but his words were drowned out as Varian brought his shoulders up, continuing his tirade.

“So why won’t you let me help then?” he demanded, hands balling into fists. “You said we were going to leave and I would have gone with you anyway, but I know you’ve been talking to the generals here. I  _ know  _ you were planning to stay behind! Why did you  _ lie to me?! _ ” 

_ Why did you lie why did you lie _ \- 

Hugo pushed the voice aside as the heat in his lungs rose again. It hadn’t  _ been  _ a lie, he hadn’t  _ meant  _ for it to be a lie but whatever it was -  _ the questions, the continuous planning and revising of potential scenarios, the suffocating pacing and wringing of hands and the simple way his final decision was made as he stumbled onto his brother sleeping so peacefully _ \- it was still so, so true. He straightened his back as he bit his tongue. “‘Cause I’m not gonna let you run half-cocked into a battlefield where you’ll get killed in the first five minutes!” 

Varian rolled his red-rimmed eyes and thrusted an arm out with a scowl. “I’m not stupid, I  _ know  _ how dangerous it is! You think I don’t remember what those  _ things _ can do?”  _ Bredon _ , Hugo remembered, pressing his lips together in a grim line as realization settled in. Varian was still shaken from what had happened there. And who wouldn’t be? Having to hear the echoes of screaming and see the swaths of burning homes and the smothering stench of bodies piled up in the square? He still woke up in cold sweat. How could he forget the grainy rubble that sliced his palms as the two of them had taken temporary refuge behind boulders while the automaton prototypes marched through the chaos above? As they’d watched Kia and her family, the ones who had taken them in, who’d shown them the first kindness they could remember in years, lined up in the center of the village along with several other families? Watched as their mother melted from the smoke, tailed by her right hand man - Varian had stiffened beside him but no,  _ that wasn’t Father, he wouldn’t leave the estate _ \- watched her unsheath her long, thin sword. Watched as her interrogation took mere seconds before… her crimson lashes... their spurting  _ throats _ ... _ the nauseating, sweet smell of iron and sulphur and firelight reflecting off of her dead eyes _ … Cracking open his own eyes, he saw Varian trying to escape the same memory, furiously wiping at his eyes before focusing his gaze at him again. “Forget a town, a whole army of them will level an entire kingdom!” 

Hugo shook his head, forcing the images of their kind, kind faces -  _ kind, bloody faces, the fate of anyone who dared to step out of line _ \- out of his mind, as he stabbed a finger into the air behind him. “Which is  _ exactly  _ why we can’t fight them!” 

“Hugo, we can’t just leave these people to die!” The anger dissipated from Varian’s face as it screwed up with unsettled emotion, causing him to lower his arm. “She’ll just keep coming after us  _ after  _ killing them. There won’t be anywhere to hide if she destroys everything!” He blinked rapidly as his stutter -  _ mother hated that stutter _ \- picked up. “There’s  _ got  _ to be a- a weakness in their design  _ somewhere _ , I  _ know  _ there is, we just- we just have to find it...” Hugo bit his lip, taking in a ragged breath.

“Var…”

“This isn’t any different from when we faced off that stone giant in Koto.”

_ That giant didn’t have a hell-bent vendetta against us _ , Hugo thought grimly.  _ Nor did we get out completely unscathed _ , recalling the heart pounding fear that nearly overtook their scrambling, inexperienced selves before the tiny kid with explosives in hand appeared out of nowhere and only gave them a few seconds to clear the way and run. Their attempt left Varian with a dislocated shoulder and scalding rashes on Hugo’s hands and face as they slid down the muddied hill. They would’ve been crushed if the Kotoan hadn’t been there - the kid only had to say a special phrase to put the statue back to sleep before he’d turned to the two of them with an exaggerated pout and went off on an awkward lecture about messing around sacred places and waking up what had turned out to be the mountain’s guardian.

The difference there was that there would be no sacred duty holding the enemy back this time. There would be no special phrase to stop the attack.There would be no savior appearing to save the day. People would be  _ dying _ , no matter what they did. Hugo shook his head in incredulously.

“This is  _ completely  _ different from that!” 

Varian sullenly pursed his lips. “How would you know? You’ve never fought in a war before!”

“Well, neither have you!”

“At least  _ I  _ wasn’t planning to run and hide like a coward because Mom is leading the front!”

He’d gone too far. The realization was clear as Varian’s eyebrows shot up and his hands came up to cover his mouth with a gasp. But Hugo couldn’t have cared less because  _ mom, Mother, she’s coming with her gloves, she’s coming with her knives, she’s coming to take him away, take him away, please not the lab _ -

“A coward?” The empty laugh that escaped him grew hysterical as he ran wavering fingers through his hair. “A  _ co- a coward _ ? You think I’m  _ scared  _ of her?” He choked, his fingers sliding down his throat, as he shook. “I’m bloody  _ terrified _ . You, Var,  _ you  _ of all people here should be scared too. She’s not like some rogue general or a crime boss like that baron we’ve seen out here. She’s worse than that - our  _ parents  _ are worse than that.” The air grew stale around him as a wild grin overtook him. “You want to know, Varian, you want to know why I wanted to leave -  _ why  _ I  _ insisted  _ that we should’ve left when we had the chance?”

The tables had turned and Varian was now the one holding himself hesitantly as Hugo let his emotions run rampant. His gaze grew frantic and he inhaled sharply. “Hu- wait, no…”

“Our parents are  _ evil _ \- they’re  _ evil _ , Var. They are  _ nothing  _ like how you think you remember them. They were never good or kind or… or whatever actual parents are  _ supposed  _ to be like. The only thing they care about is power and control and as long as they’re still alive, they’re going to keep looking for more. And it doesn’t matter what happens, they’ll take out anyone who stands in their way.  _ Including us _ .” It was the fading sun glinting against his glasses that blurred his vision, nothing else. “A means to an end. That’s all we ever were to them. Perfect little servants who didn’t know any different and answered at their every beck and call. Father was a hypocrite but you think you know what  _ Donella  _ is capable of?” -  _ he doesn’t know about the lab, he doesn’t know about the needles, he doesn’t know about the leather straps or the jars or the shocks or the blood drip,  _ **_dripping_ ** _ down his fingers or the caressing lies of ‘look at what you’ve done, let’s clean you up darling…’ _ \- and Hugo was shaking, whether from anger or panic he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that the truth,  _ truths  _ he’d been keeping buried inside for so long, memories that he had refused to dig up, were now threatening to breach the surface. 

“Quartering and burning a town is the  _ least  _ of what she’s done. You ever wondered how she managed to become Tybalt’s head scientist? It definitely wasn’t because of shiny fireworks or a new cleaning solution to wax his castle’s floors. It’s a position you  _ kill _ and  _ keep _ killing for.” The need to pace, to  _ run _ , flared up and he dug his fingernails into his palms. “You ever wondered why Celeste left the staff after giving you those Flynnagin books for your sixth birthday? I can tell you where to find her hands but you’ll have a hard time putting the rest of her back together. If you can  _ find  _ the rest of her anyway,  _ she _ was really mad about that little servicial slip up.” Even now he could feel the heat of burning embers eating away the yellowed pages of each book, soot darkening the tips of his fingers, phantom hands around his wrists and shoulders- 

“You ever wondered why we weren’t allowed downstairs, or why anyone she’s ever led down there never came back up the same, or why she’d always yell at us whenever we’d ask about it?” His voice took on a strangled rasp as he continued, “She’s dragged me down there before. Those councilmen and street kids she’s lured down there? I saw what she did to them. I saw what she’d force me to see. I can tell you how she’d lock them into closets for some sensory deprivation testing, most of them not even making it past that - I can tell you how she’d tie them down to her table and cut into them while they’d still be awake and  _ alive _ and all she’d do is gag them before continuing - how she’d drill holes into their heads and stab needles over and over again without taking a break for hours - how she’d write down notes so  _ quietly  _ while her  _ prisoners _ were  _ screaming  _ and their blood would be pouring onto the ground. And when someone failed her tests, she’d get that same cold glare and take her knife and-”

“Hugo, that’s enough!” The princess’ shrill cry cut through his haze, but he barreled on through, not caring about how he was suddenly looming over Varian, who was shrinking by the second. 

“And you know what the worst thing was? It wasn’t how she’d keep me down there the whole night to play guard, watching her do this to people. It wasn’t how she’d have me clean up afterwards, leaving me in there  _ alone  _ to crawl and scrub away the stains of blood and fluids left behind. It wasn’t even when she’d be in her moods and f-”  _ Breathe, don’t throw up, just swallow and breathe _ . “ _ Forced _ me to… help her  _ regulate _ the tests.” It was the only gentle touch she offered, if only to steady the knife she’d press into his palm or to help him find a vein. And he hated every moment of it, curled up underneath her tall form above him, feeling his skin crawl as her hand wrapped around his or as she laid them down to steady his shoulders or when she reached towards his stone faced self and delicately plucked his glasses off to wipe away splattered red. 

_ ‘Any sensible person would keep themselves clean. You wouldn’t want to make a mistake now would you?’ _

_ No. _

“No…” His brow furrowed as he wet his lips. “No, the worst thing was that despite everything she’s ever done to us, those times, down in the lab, those were the  _ only _ times she’d ever tried to be ‘sympathetic’. At her  _ worst  _ and it was all an act.” A stupid, manipulative act to reel him in to feeling some semblance of safety. That it was all just some nightmare and she was there to guide him through it.

_ ‘Take a breath, darling,’ - pressure against his chest, bile in his throat, socks soaked from the ground - ‘It would be a shame if your brother found you down here like this. I’d imagine he’d be devastated.’  _

And he’d believed it. 

“So call me a coward! I’ll graciously accept that. Because I assure you, little brother,”  _ One, two, three heartbeats... _ “you  _ haven’t _ seen the extent of how far she’s willing to go to get what she wants.” Hugo’s breathing sounded heavy to his ears as his vision cleared up -  _ when had he closed his eyes _ ? Varian’s mouth had fallen, shock and uneasiness crossing his features, and he dropped back on his heels, shoulders suddenly sinking. He’d gone off the deep end this time. Fighting aside, he had dove down deep and there was no coming back from that. He swallowed hard. “Frick, Var, I didn’t mean…”

“We can’t let that happen to anyone else though.” His head shot up in surprise. Varian was shaking, but where Hugo had expected to see the familiar response of cowered submission, he saw his brother, standing his ground, as he straightened up and continued, “You’ve always said it’d be us against the world, that we’d always have each other. And after everything you just said, after- after  _ everything  _ she’s done to you, you still want to go back there  _ alone _ ?” He took a tentative step forward, a hopeful expression crossing his features. “You don’t… you don’t have to go after her alone. We can face her together! You’d said that you trusted me to help-”

Hugo clenched his eyes shut. “This is a  _ war _ …”

“-so why won’t you let me help?” Varian pled. “I know there’s got to be a way to stop her, I know we can beat this,  _ why won’t you just let me try?! _ ”

_ “Because I don’t want to lose you!”  _

The words seemed to echo off of the trees in the clearing, causing the soldiers that’d crept closer to still. Varian had stiffened, blinking owlishly as he stood there, stunned.  _ There _ . From the drowning sea of his burning memories, this loss of control left Hugo’s soul bare. It was frightening, this vulnerability. He knew his actions spoke for themselves, but he’d never before dared to verbalise what he truly felt… His breath shuddered as a moment passed in anxious anticipation, where he was  _ sure _ that something, someone -  _ she  _ \- would appear with a dead smile and steal away this moment of honesty, twisting it like a noose around his neck and make him  _ regret… _

But there was nothing. No jaded beration, no nails digging into his chin, no chilling glare staring deep into his eyes. Just the autumn breeze against his skin and blue looking back at him. And the dizzying spinning of his world suddenly seemed to…  _ stop _ . The weight that he’d been carrying around his heart for so many years began to slip off like chains, link by link. Never letting himself feel, forcing his tears dry on their own, so  _ scared _ of letting  _ her _ see such a weakness come from him- the moment the confession left his lips, a surge of emotion surfaced in his chest and caused him to gasp because in that moment... he felt  _ free _ . And the muzzle that had stifled the voice in the back of his mind fell away as he let himself, for the first time, truly,  _ speak _ . 

“I don’t want to lose you, Varian,” he repeated. “ _ Saints _ , you have no idea how scared I am of letting you go out there and help ‘cause I’m scared that Father or Donella will hurt you again. They’ve done enough to us and we  _ betrayed  _ them. And they’re out there, right now, looking for blood and they won’t stop until they’ve punished us for it. Screw it Varian, I promised myself that I’d get you out of Bearnhelm, that I’d get you  _ away _ and keep you  _ safe _ because lord knows you of all people don’t deserve that life. If I let you go out there tomorrow and  _ she’s _ there… I don’t know what I’d do. I…” His voice dropped, wavering and raw. “There’s so much I let her do, so many people I could’ve saved, so much  _ blood _ on my hands - if I can save just one person from having to suffer her at her hands again, to make up for what  _ I’ve done _ \- I- I want it to be you. Even if it means returning those letters, even if it means that we’ll have to keep running, even if I-” Nail dug into his palms again. “You’re the only thing I have left. And I want to see you safe - safe and free and happy for once in your life. And I- I can’t lose you.” 

He heard shuffling and a timid hand reached out, pausing before it reached his arm. “It’s not about the letters anymore.” whispered Varian. “She got what she wanted without them. She’s after  _ us _ . The least we can do is try  _ something _ .” Hugo let out a strangled sounding sob. No tears - he’d run out of those. 

“I know, I know.”

“She’ll hurt you if you go out there alone.”

“She’ll hurt you too if you come with me.”

“Does it matter?”

_ Does it matter? _ The incredulous feeling returned as he repeated the phrase in his mind, over and over again.  _ Does it matter? Does it matter if I get hurt? Does it matter if she hurts me? _ It was the  _ only _ thing that mattered, how- They were trying to prevent lives from being stolen by someone known for inflicting pain, someone they’ve turned their backs on, so how…

Oh.

_ Oh _ .

_ ‘Children are meant to be seen and not heard.’ _

Father.

_ ‘There you are - a sight of perfect social grace that even the Council won’t be able to ignore.’ _

He taught him.

_ ‘Listen to me son - you let a bird who’s known a bar its whole life go and it will wither away and die. They’ll have a greater chance if we let someone else who knows better take control. Guide it along, see. It’s what’s best for them, you understand?’ _

Always waiting to be told, always waiting to be praised.

_ ‘When will you learn, boy, that I know what’s best for you?’ _

What he did didn’t matter. 

_ That’s what we were to them - perfect little servants who didn’t know any different and answered at their every beck and call-  _

This was his punishment.

_ ‘It’s only fair, you know?’ _

He didn’t…

_ His face is pained - I don’t want to lose you - but why…? _

...he doesn’t understand. 

_ ‘Does it matter?’ _

Yes.

Varian was more than that. He was more than the social puppet Father had tried to turn him into. He  _ meant _ more than that. Hugo was ready to go to the ends of the world for him - and the overwhelming feeling left him bewildered,  _ was that what care was? _ And it wasn’t because Hugo  _ needed  _ him. Not like Father did. He didn’t need Varian for his ‘social graces’, for his ability to impress authority - he didn’t need him for his innovative skills, for his creative thinking. While all that made up a part of who he was, Hugo just needed him as himself. As Varian. 

Varian, who, despite everything, had turned out to be so kind, so hopeful to see the good in other people, so  _ willing  _ to move forward from their past if only a few steps. For all that Father had taught him, it dawned on Hugo to see how far he’d come. How far they’d both come. They were both broken pieces trying to put themselves back together into a mosaic they’d never seen before. Many lies were still truths and their parents’ voices still rang through his head. And there were moments where right and wrong seemed to merge into an endless stream of confusion and he just wanted to curl up and have it  _ stop _ \- but something that they’d learned along the way from their encounters with countless people, something that they’d seen and come to realize, was the possibility that something was not right. That this  _ world _ that their parents had created with their rules and boundaries was not normal or  _ good _ . It had washed over him like a wave and for a moment, he’d felt disconnected. For a moment then, he’d wondered… just who were they anyway? A product of circumstance, merely pawns to be acted upon? 

So it felt like a lifeline, a hand to pull him out of the depths, when the realization came that they had the ability to change that. It didn’t matter what their parents wanted them to become, they could  _ choose  _ to become someone else. Choose who they wanted to be. Start over and try. 

And Varian was trying. He could see that now. From the moment they’d left Bearnhelm, from the moment they’d left Bayangor, he’d been pushing back. Pursuing interests once frowned upon, letting his curiosity run rampant at every town and shop they’d visited, running around without a second thought to  _ posture _ , and laughing like a  _ kid  _ for once, standing up for himself and forcing his voice to be heard despite lingering instincts, and wasn’t that what had started all of this? 

_ ‘I know what’s best for you…’ _

How could Hugo be like  _ him _ ? How could he impose his wants on his brother, take away Varian’s choice again,  _ force  _ him to stay? The slow and painful progression earned through the past few months would be extinguished like a flame.

But... 

_ Father would try to drag him back into his cage. Donella- she’d strap him down to the table, she’d force him to watch, she’d torture him and say he deserved this for leaving, for stealing, before she’d kill him...  _

How could he let  _ that _ happen to him? 

_ I promised myself… I’d always keep you safe… _

He’d had enough blood on his hands. Maybe he’ll forgive him.

Huh. Forgiveness. Imagine that.

Arms wrapped around his middle and for a second, he stiffened at the touch before realizing that it was Varian.  _ Varian _ , who buried his face into his chest and Hugo found himself sinking into the embrace, feeling his throat close up because here was his brother, trying to comfort  _ him _ and he didn’t deserve it - he didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve Varian, who was trying and Varian didn’t deserve this...

“I just want to help,” he mumbled into his jacket, sounding so young again. “I just wanted to help,  _ I’m sorry _ …” At that, Hugo hid his face in Varian’s hair, letting himself feel the heartbeat against his chest and the rising and falling of his breathing. 

“I know, I know…” His shoulders hunched over as he held him closer, as if this would be his last memory that would soon be taken away. Just one last minute, one selfish wish that this moment would last forever. Even as his hand began to shake and gasps cut through the reverie. One last time. 

Varian flinched, freezing as his fingers tightened their hold on his jacket and his breathing picked up. He tried to push away but Hugo refused to let go, refused to blink away the stinging that itched at the corners of his eyes. He tossed the cylinder aside as he shifted his grasp to hold on to Varian’s arms, steadying him as his body began to sway. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so  _ sorry… _ ” Varian’s eyes met his, wide in panic. His hands desperately shoved against the embrace while simultaneously reaching out towards his brother as the sedative started to course through his system, causing his legs to give out from under him. Hugo held on as they both crashed to the ground. The words sounded so foreign on his lips but they tasted like ash on his tongue - meaningless to confront the hurt that he’d caused.

“Hugo, what…?”

“Varian,” - _he couldn’t, he couldn’t speak_ \- “I can’t- I can’t live with myself if they hurt you too. I can’t let that happen, not again.” His head fell, resting against his brother’s forehead. “You’ll do so much good here where you’ll be safe and _alive_. You’ve done so much already _please_ ,” his voice was barely above a whisper, “please be safe and _live_. Live your life for yourself, not for anyone else. Let me do this.” 

This time, he didn’t flinch as a hand came down on his shoulder, but he didn’t dare move either. The princess knelt down next to him, her hand raised to stay her soldiers and what seemed like a medic, who had begun to hesitantly make their way towards them. A silent tension between the two of them lapsed before Hugo suddenly turned towards her, a renewed spark swelling in his chest. 

“Take care of him, please,” he begged. Any misgiving for pleading disappeared as he met her eyes. Trust. That was the spirit from the waterfall had been trying to teach him, wasn’t it? He wouldn’t be able to be there forever, no matter what he did. Letting go would be inevitable. So that was why, with only a moment of hesitation, he knew that the princess -  _ Nuru _ , she was Nuru - for all of her heckling to stay close to the plans and rules, would do her best to protect anyone under her charge. And it seemed, as any judgement she previously held seemed to withdraw from her eyes, that she considered them a part of that. For a moment, he wondered how much of his words she had heard as she gave him a worried frown.

“What are you doing?”

“What has to be done.” It took everything he had to keep his voice from cracking. “I’ll do what I can, slow them down or something, before your forces reach the capital. Just... promise me you’ll keep him safe.”

A look of shock replaced her frown as she sternly shook her head, dropping her hand from his shoulder. “You can’t possibly be thinking of going  _ now _ ! We’ll be leaving at dawn - if you go now, you’ll be captured or-”

“Promise me.” 

She pursed her lips as he could see her scouring for any reason to force him to stay - oh the  _ irony _ . But she caught the intensity of his stare and understanding crossed her face. An almost imperceptible nod released the breath he didn’t know he was holding and he began to push himself off of the ground. Varian, however, immediately tried to fight against it.

“No, Hugo, please no…” 

Hugo clenched his teeth, shaking his brother’s fingers off of his arm. “Varian-”

“Hugo  _ please _ \- don’t go, don’t leave…” 

_ I’m sorry. _

He grabbed his wrist and tried not to wince at how easy it was to pry them off, how little resistance they offered. But despite fluttering eyelids and his words beginning to slur, Varian was still very much lucid. 

“Please don’t leave me-” The tears were steadily streaming down his cheeks, but his eyes darted frantically. He was five years old, he was holding his baby brother in his arms again, and the memory flickered between  _ then - now - sorrow - laughter- _

“ _ I love you _ , I’m sorry, _ don’t leave - I love you, please! _ ”

He couldn’t. He tore away, knees almost buckling instantly beneath him, but he managed to stumble back onto his feet. The soldiers let him pass as he pushed past them, refusing to look back. Refusing to allow himself one last look where he imagined Nuru, trying to console and regain control of the situation. The medic, trying whatever he can to hold Varian back from hurting himself in his blinding state. And Varian, reaching out in vain, his sobbing screams ringing throughout the clearing and Hugo broke out into a run.

“Hugo, come back!” 

He passed Yong, who stumbled back in wide eyed wonder, clutching the striped furball wrapped around his neck. Whatever words he’d blurted in his shock was lost in a blur. The princess called out, faint but desperate.

“Wait, think about this!”

He was just as bad as  _ her _ , wasn’t he?  _ No more broken promises _ , he’d promised, and now he was leaving. 

_ You’ve always said it’d be us against the world, that we’d always have each other - _

_ \- a coward, a coward _ \- 

_ ‘I’d imagine he’d be devastated.’ _

_ Forgiveness. Imagine that. _

If he was going to die, serving his penance to save his brother, he might as well do so facing  _ her _ . At least, this way, Nuru’s army could stand a chance. Lives would be spared. His brother would live. In the end, that was all he could ask for. An end to all of this. 

His fingers curled around the metal pendant that clung close to his collar - Varian’s first gift, shyly given to him after leaving Bayangor. The first gift he’d ever received so freely out of… out of... He fought back the burning behind his eyes and the lump rising in his throat. 

“Hugo!”

He didn’t even get to say it back.

_ “HUGO!” _

_ I love you too, Varian. _

-

The king was dead. 

That was the beauty of her perfected serum, she mused as she kicked the body off of the throne. Her hands remained clean and any resistance had been neutralized with a single snap of her fingers. Years of study and experimentation had at last allowed her to reap its rewards: the complete subjugation of the human mind. Turning her nose up at its gaudy appearance - Tybalt’s ego held no bounds - she dug her knife into the throne’s backrest before settling atop of it, flanked by the king’s  _ former _ personal guards who now stood rigidly at her command, cleaning off crimson from their blades. 

“Now,” she breathed as she ran a hand down the arm of the throne, turning her gaze towards the scene before her, lit up by the dying embers of torches, “the dawning of a new empire begins.”

The automatons were finished, lined up in the palace’s courtyard with pristine perfection, primed and ready to receive their orders. The prototypes had been useful to sift out potential complications and not even the loss of the letters holding the earlier schematics could affect the inevitable now. It used to be unfathomable that in only a few hours, the complete downfall of Galcrest could have been possible. Now however, with the use of these powerful machines, that dream had become a reality. The foolish regent and surviving heir who dared to turn down her offer of alliance would be kneeling by dusk at her feet, bound and shamed as an example for the rest of the kingdoms to see. No matter what meager forces those miserable little mages could afford to send out to fight, it would only end with swift bloodshed. The surviving prisoners would be added to her army while their leaders watched from their cells -  _ uselessly _ . A public execution would be an added reward should the need arise, sending all chances of hope to any aspiring resistance to curl up in smoke. 

Dorian was there now, securing the dungeons for its awaiting company, no doubt adding his own eccentric flair to its security system. For all of the man’s aggravating flaws, his  _ agreeableness _ with Bayangor’s upper classes and subtlety for observation were the only reasons she kept him around. His connections with the king and his court had been the gateway to her current position as head scientist - and now as head of state - and her intellect and contributions to the kingdom’s forces had given him a rise in the aristocracy. And so an arrangement had been agreed upon, even if the union had resulted in some long term consequences that had… recently fallen out of favor. The sweet anticipation of victory almost made up for their losses. Almost. But once this battle was won, they wouldn’t matter any more. No more setbacks from intentionally sabotaged plans set by petty rebels, no resorting to cajoling the monarchy for more resources, no more betrayal from failed disappointments. None of it would ever matter again once the entirety of the Seven Kingdoms fell into the palm of her hand-

There. 

Beyond her legions of mechanical warriors, beyond the gates that fortified Bearnhelm and the countless soldiers that stood within, there walked a figure, their silhouette small and alone against the shadows of the forest they strode out of. Despite the warning shouts and the sounds of weapons being readied, they marched towards the open gates. Her soldiers’ crossbows trained on them as she straightened, head tilted as she scrutinized the figure that had so carelessly dared to approach her domain, unarmed at that. It was only after they crossed the threshold - into the lions’ den as the opening was quickly sealed - that Donella finally recognized the pale mop of blond hair and scowl that fixated itself on her as soon as their eyes met. The breaking of the dawn’s rays cut through the clouds and his features became clearer and she could see, for his attempt to appear fearless, the little traitor was trembling where he stood. She let a thin smile grace her lips.

“And so, the prodigal son returns.” With a flick of her fingers, the guards at her side sheathed their swords and stood at attention. “Bring the boy to me. Incapacitate him if needed, but make sure he stays  _ awake _ .” For all of the trouble and seething  _ loathing _ those  _ children _ had brought on to her, the temptation for one last, vindictive message filled her with satisfaction as she brought her steepled fingers to her chin.

“I believe a final lesson is in order.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thanks Jade for song recommendations. Have a lil playlist for feels (in no particular order):
> 
> \- Dearly Beloved (Kingdom Hearts III Version)  
> \- Stay (TryHardNinja, female cover by Lisa Foiles)  
> \- Drift Away (cover by Chase Holfelder)  
> \- I Choose (acoustic version by Alessia Cara)  
> \- Aggie Fights (unreleased version from Paranorman)
> 
> I might be writing more for this AU but in the meantime, I hope you've enjoyed this angst. Feel free to scream at me :)


End file.
